


Luck From Above, Heart Down Below

by Eyes_of_a_soldier



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2018-11-28 20:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11425929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyes_of_a_soldier/pseuds/Eyes_of_a_soldier
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky isn't getting any younger and he knows that his chances of getting adopted are slim. He holds a lot of regret in his heart and in his mind. He knows one day things will turn around, little does he know how soon that day may come.





	1. Chapter 1

I held his hand as he took his last breath, I watched as his soul seemed to leave his body. I still remember the sound of my name leave his lips, Yuratchka. Once he was gone, my fate was sealed and I was placed in an orphanage. He was everything to me and losing him hurt like hell. I regret everyday that I didn't spend time with him. I should have been living everyday like it was his last. Or like it was my last. I wouldn't dare go outside, I hated the way the sunlight felt on my skin. I hadn't been outside in ages and I didn't plan on it now. It seemed as if nothing I did could fill the void in my heart, a piece of me was missing. No one could see it, but I was suffering and I was alone, even when I was surrounded by a crowd of people. All those years of being tormented by my own thoughts put me in a bad position. No one wanted to adopt me and I took that as an offence. At night I would ask for freedom, as soon as they granted me permission to leave, I'd run out the door and walk around the city. It was the night of my 15th birthday that I discovered Otabek Altin. He was 18 at the time, making his debut as a musician. I remember hearing his voice and suddenly having the void disappear. At the time I considered it nonsense, but my mind has shifted gears since those days. I had been living in the orphanage for a while and by now I was 18 years old. I set my sights on the future in hopes that I would conquer my demons, but that was not the case. 

One day while everyone was at lunch I sat in the corner and laid my head in my hands. I guess I looked vulnerable, because an older man approached me. He had silver hair and blue eyes.   
"Are you alright? Why aren't you with the others?"   
"Its none of your business." He sighed and called out to another man, and he approached me as well. He had dark hair and brown eyes.   
"Hi, I'm Yuuri. Its nice to meet y-" I was irritated.  
"Hey! My name's Yuri! You can't have the same name as me!" The man gasped and took a step back. I heard them talk for a little before the silver haired one came to a terrible decision.   
"Yuri! We are adopting you!" I lost it and just about screamed, I had no interest in joining a family.   
"Why would you want to do that, huh? Just so you can say you did a good thing and act all humble in front of your friends?" Yuuri started to tear up, he stuttered as he talked. I could feel the anguish in his voice.   
"W-we want you to be a part of our family. Nothing else. No gimics. Only love." I gulped and felt sick to my stomach. One of the employees working at the time approached them and I watched as they signed the papers that would make me their son. They looked overjoyed. I felt aggravated. I packed up all I had and made my way out of the building, meeting them at their car. Yuuri opened his arms waiting patiently for a hug from me. But I ignored it and climbed into the back seat annoyed with everything that had just happened. 

"So tell us about yourself Yuri, is there anything that you're particularly fond of?"   
"I guess you can say I'm fond of quiet, desolate places where no one can bother me." After the awkward silence passed, I answered truthfully,"I like music."   
"Oh! Music? I'm a musician! You haven't learned my name yet have you? Perhaps you've heard of me, I'm Viktor Nikiforov, I should have told you before we whisked you away."   
"Isn't that the point of adoption? Getting whisked away by complete strangers never to return?"   
"Wow, you're awfully negative. Would music help to calm you down?" Viktor turned on the radio to one of my favorite stations. The radio beamed: Next up is Otabek Altin's Dangerous Encounters! My mood changed immediately as the music took place of my anger. Otabek Altin had been my idol for three years, his music gave me a sense of security and comfort; not to mention I considered him hot. I let myself calm down, listening to the rhythm and taking in his voice. Once the song was over I sighed and laid my head back.  
"Honey, Otabek is still planning to come over this week isn't he?"  
"Say what now?! You know Otabek Altin?!" Viktor turned around and smiled, nodding a little. I felt as if this was sure luck, my idol knew Viktor? Things were looking up for me. Along the ride home, I tried to imagine a new song in my head, I heard Otabek's voice as it complemented the music. Before I knew it, we had arrived.

"Yuri, welcome to your new home!" Viktor shouted. I looked out the window and I was amazed at what I saw. Their house was divine, it looked like a mansion. I looked back at them and realized that I was over-exaggerating. After all, they hadn't given me a reason to fight them. Once we got inside, everything looked so intricate like it was specially thought out.   
"Let's take you upstairs, that's where your new room will be!" Yuuri said most enthusiastically. We walked up the stairs and I was taken away. This was the largest bed I had seen in years and the room itself was spacious. It felt like home, even though it wasn't. I spent the whole day putting my room together with what little I had. I had day dreams about grandpa and how much he would have loved to see me living this lavish lifestyle.   
"Yurio! Come down for dinner!" I heard Viktor shout. I was annoyed at the nickname but came down to join them. On my way down the stairs, I smelt something familiar.   
"How many piroshkis do you want Yurio?" My eyes lit up and I nearly bursted into tears.  
"P-piroshkis?" I asked, almost not believing my eyes.   
"Yes! They're delicious I promise!" Yuuri said with a smile on his face. He served me and I sat down, not saying another word. When dinner was over, I trudged up the stairs and laid down. I thanked my grandpa and fell fast asleep. 

When I woke up the next morning, the bell rung, Viktor opened the door and to my surprise I heard his name.   
"Altin! Nice to see you again!"  
"Its a pleasure." His voice made me melt. You could feel his sincerity when he spoke. I always admired that about him. Then it struck me, I was so very close to my idol! The one person who could never let me down. I had to meet him. I rushed downstairs, trying not to let my nerves consume me. Then I seen him, we met eyes. And I could feel my cheeks turning red.   
"This is my son, Yuri!" Viktor beamed. I was just about to walk to him, when he met me halfway.   
"Pleasure to meet you, Yuri." His muscles, I could almost feel them as we shook hands. His shake was firm and he had a good grip on my hand. I could hardly speak. I had never felt that feeling before, of total shock. Its a feeling of glory and accomplishment. He winked and I let myself blush. Deep down, I wanted to scream.  
"So, what do you say? Would you like to stay the night and start on it tomorrow?"   
"Yes, that sounds like a great idea." He said looking halfheartedly at Viktor. He did end up staying the night but something unexpected happened. He joined us for dinner and to my surprise he was a complete gentleman, even offering to help clean up afterwards. He kept looking at me, throughout the night I caught him stealing glimpses of me. As the night grew older, I went up to my bedroom, not expecting Otabek to be there.   
"O-Otabek what are you doing in here?"   
"I didn't want them to go through so much trouble for me. So I decided to share a room with you. Don't worry. I don't bite." My cheeks went red again and I could feel myself slowly losing it.   
"Altin. Know your place." I instantly regretted that.  
"And what may that place be?" I built up the courage and cornered him against the wall.  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't try anything funny with me, Altin." His eyes turned soft and he smiled.   
"Come on. Let's just go to bed. We can save this for another day." I lightened up and smiled, climbing into bed, I yawned. He laid down next to me and suddenly I lost desire to sleep. I rolled over to look at Otabek; his eyes were closed but I could sense that he was awake.   
"Otabek? You're awake aren't you?" I asked quietly. He nodded but snuggled into his pillow.  
"Go to sleep Yuri. It's late." I scoffed.  
"You're a hypocrite. You're telling me to go to sleep when you're obviously going to stay up and drool over me."   
"Is that so?" He smirked and opened his eyes. "Silly me. I forgot to sleep talk." I laughed and looked into his eyes.  
"Don't get wise with me, Otabek." He stared into my eyes and I blushed profusely.  
"Or what? What are you going to do, Yuri?" I knew that was my que to shut up.   
"You won this one, Altin. Now go to sleep." He chuckled and wrapped his arm around me.  
"Hey what do you think you're doing?!" I whisper-shouted.  
"You wanted me to sleep didn't you? This helps me sleep." I blushed and nuzzled into his chest, letting sleep consume me.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up, I felt refreshed. He was still next to me. I'd never thought I'd see him like this. Hell, I never thought I'd see him. But there he was, in the flesh. I tried to keep my eyes off him, but the attempts failed. I found myself in a never ending gaze. I seen right through his thin eyelids. His chocolate brown eyes, his jet black hair, and his soft complexion. It troubled me how obssessed I was with him, it had only been hours before that I had the nerves to speak out against him. I wondered what he thought of me, could he see straight through me? He began to wake up and in attempt to hide the fact that I was staring at him for hours on end, I threw myself against my pillow and turned away, pretending to snore.  
"Wake up." He said, in a delightful morning voice that made the butterflies in my stomach flutter.  
"Otabek, you need a lesson in respecting people's sleeping schedules." I asserted in a sarcastic tone. He said something that made my face go pale.  
"Yuri, you need a lesson in respecting the fact that some people don't like it when you watch them sleep."  
"Huh?! B-but how did you know I was-" He began to chuckle lightheartedly.  
"So you did watch me!" He proclaimed cheekily.  
"W-whatever!" I shouted, annoyed at the fact he tricked me into exposing my actions. He stretched and left the bed, exposing his bare chest. In efforts to control myself, I hid under the blankets and watched him through the shadows that shown through the fabric. I seen the shadow disappear and lifted my head from above the sheets, thats when he pounced on me.  
"C'mon sleepyhead. Its work time."  
"Maybe for you! Get off me!" He chuckled and rolled onto his side of the bed and walked to the door.  
"At least come down for breakfast." He said, I nearly rushed him. He was impressed, I could tell.  
"Race you down, loser!" I shouted as I bolted down the stairs. I could hear him catching up behind me, so I took the easier way down and slid down the railing, beating him to the kitchen by a full 5 seconds. I watched as he came sliding into the kitchen and laughed as he panted tiredly.  
"Aww, does Altin not have the stamina to keep up with little ole me?" He gave me the stink eye and sat down at the table. We sat in silence and looked around until we realized that Yuuri and Viktor weren't even awake yet. He started laughing and facepalmed.  
"I'm an idiot. What the hell did I think we were gonna eat?" I laughed and hopped down from the stool, I gathered together some ingredients and cookware and started to make my favorite food, piroshkis. I could almost hear my grandpa's instructions, it started to feel like he was actually there with me. But I knew he wasn't. I began to enumerate every measurement, it was almost as if I had his recipe book in front of me. Otabek stared at me silently, he must've been confused. Here I was in the middle of the kitchen, with no direction whatsoever. I guess I was making quite a commotion because Viktor and Yuuri came down, rubbing their eyes and watching me wondering what I was up to. The timer went off and I plated them as if I was the chef of a fancy Michelin star restaurant.  
"Yurio? What are you doing up so early? And in the kitchen of all places?" Viktor asked as he yawned.  
"I was making food. Piroshkis to be exact." I placed the plate in front of Otabek and smiled proudly. Once he took the first bite, he smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I made a plate for myself and laughed a little, looking at Viktor and Yuuri's faces, they were shocked. They quickly rushed over and took a bite.  
"Vkusno!" Viktor shouted, he hugged me tightly. I pushed him away and yelled.  
"Hey! Don't touch me! It's too early to be this annoyed." Yuuri patted me on the back gently and smiled.  
"They're amazing Yurio! You should help me cook sometime!" I groaned and finished eating, I seen Otabek was finished as well and grasped his hand dragging him into the living room. 

"Where are we going Yuri?" He asked curiously.  
"Somewhere far away from them." I smirked and took him into the garage. The garage wasn't filled with luxury cars or unnecessary expensive stuff as you might have imagined, it housed musical instruments and sound equipment. Otabek's eyes lit up, I could almost feel his attraction to the dj booth that sat in the back of the garage. I watched as he made his way to it. He gently cleared it of dust and ran his fingers over the dials. As I stood there a couple feet away I could picture him in a nightclub, getting real use of the dormant equipment. I could see people dancing, having a good time. I quickly turned my attention to him as I heard Otabek's singing voice for the first time in person. It was amazing in person just as it was on the radio.  
"You sound even better in person." I let the words slip out of my mouth and blushed a little. "I mean~"  
"Thank you, Yuri. That means a lot." He said, smiling. It was a rarity to catch him smiling, he never was one to truly express his emotions. Otabek had always been stoic. Maybe that's what drew me to him. He was unusual; unlike normal musicians.  
"Otabek?" I asked, making my way towards him. "Why did you decide to go into music?"  
"Music was self expression to me. There are things that are much easier to say in song." He smiled before turning to me. My heart raced, the lyrical content in his songs helped me through so much. His words kept me going and gave me the strength. And now he was right in front of me explaining his passion for music.  
"Y-you know~" I started, trying my best to trap the tears in my eyes. "Your songs have always meant a lot to me. Especially, Accolade to the Warrior." Otabek could sense my vulnerability and wrapped his arms around me. I wouldn't dare to admit how safe I felt in his arms. His arms were like a protective barrier between me and the evil of the world. He looked down at me and smiled, comforting me.  
"Yuri. I dedicate that song to you." I looked into his almond eyes and smirked slightly.  
"Don't play with my feelings, Altin. You wrote that song without knowing I exist." Otabek looked down at me and ruffled my hair.  
"Hmph, you're skeptical. Maybe I should just perform it for you. Here and now." My eyes lit up and I nodded without saying another word. I watched as he set up. His words took place of my thoughts. 

I'll watch you smile when you are going through,  
Hell and back, stand there and take it all,  
I couldn't possibly be so strong,  
Without knowing you are safe,  
I wish I could take it all away,  
Leave the pain, make the rain  
Go away, for you,  
The night is cold and long,  
But I know you are a warrior,  
I will send, my accolades to you

I could hear the passion in his voice, it was almost as if he had wrote the song just for me. His eyes were closed during the chorus, the confidence in his voice was more prominent then. 

I've heard you cry as you're going through,  
The motions, lay there late at night,  
I couldn't understand all your emotions,  
But I'll sure try, I want to take you away,  
And make sure that you are safe,  
Leave the pain, make the rain  
Go away, for you,  
The night is cold and long,  
But I know you are a warrior,  
I will send, my accolades to you

I was in tears by the end of the song. That song meant everything to me and to hear it being sung to me was a dream come true. I felt a pair of arms around me and I quickly nuzzled into Otabek's chest. He ran his fingers through my shoulder length hair, until I heard him clear his throat. I looked up at him, curiously until he spoke.  
"I never fully understood how meaningful music could be, until I saw you cry, just now."


	3. Chapter 3

Later that day, I decided to further explore the house, looking through all the cupboards, drawers and desks I could reach. Otabek was in the recording room with Viktor, when I entered Yuuri and Viktor's room. Their bed was huge, the sheets were powder blue and stretched along the perimeter. I strolled over to the nightstand and opened the drawer; I almost vomited when I seen the contents. I quickly pushed the drawer closed and sat on the bed. Before I knew it, I was lying down and shutting my eyes. A gentle knock on the door woke me up, it was Yuuri.   
"Yurio? What are you doing in here?" I sat up and groaned, rubbing my eyes in discontent.  
"I was curious about your room. You always have the door closed so I decided to investigate."   
"Oh, okay. Well, um. Viktor and I need our privacy. As do you." He said, I could almost hear the nervousness in his voice. I got to my feet and stretched as I yawned, my blonde hair falling into my eyes.  
"Of course. The drawer is enough reason for me to stay out." I said in disgust as I headed for the door. I could see the color vanish from his face. He didn't mutter a word. 

After that misadventure, I decided to turn my attention to the outdoors. As I crept around the corner, I saw it. A large garden with multicolored flowers and plants adorned with a large fountain in the center. I walked around for a little, getting bored quite easily at the fact that there was not much to do outside. I soon heard Otabek's voice and shivered. I quickly ran inside the house and followed the sound of his voice to a recording room. I knew I wasn't meant to be there, but I couldn't help my desire to hear him. There were many dials and buttons, of which I did not understand their purposes. His hands danced gracefully upon the mixer, his finger mingling with the keys. I was watching it all unfold; I was captivated. Viktor was the first to notice that I was in the room and he did not appreciate it very much. He quickly took me out into the hallway and closed the door gently.   
"Yuri, you're not supposed to be in there. You know that, don't you?" He uttered, quietly yet sternly.   
"Why in the hell not?" I asked, as I reached for the door handle. Just as I turned the nob, the door swung open and Otabek was behind it.   
"Hey, what's going on out here?" He asked as the music died down. He gave a small smile and took my hand. A deep blush setting on my cheeks.  
"Yurio wanted to come watch, I know how you don't particularly like to be observed when you~"   
"He can watch." Otabek quickly refutted as he lead me in. I could see the expression on Viktor's face, it was an expression of pure shock. I thought about it myself and realized that Otabek hadn't done too many live shows or music videos, he had mostly kept to himself. And now, all of a sudden he was singing around me and to me?   
"Otabek, are you sure this is okay?" I asked curiously as I studied his facial expressions. He gave me a thumbs up before putting on his headphones and gesturing to Viktor. The music started up again, it was insane that I was listening to a new song before everyone else. Thinking back to my time in the orphanage, I would've never thought that I would be watching Otabek sing in person, let alone have him so close. But now that he was, I couldn't keep my eyes off him. His voice sounded a little different this time, it was almost as if he had more confidence. Maybe it was because of me? No. It couldn't be. He doesn't. He wouldn't. How could he? 

Once he finished recording, Viktor started to work on the song on his own and Otabek said his goodbyes and was about to leave. The void was starting to cave in again, I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest as his hand grasped the door handle.   
"Otabek!" I called out to him from the staircase. He turned around and started walking to meet me halfway.   
"Yes, Yuri?" My face was pale, I didn't want to see him leave. But I also didn't want to keep him any longer than he needed to be.  
"Will you take me out? And show me around? I-I'm new to this neighborhood." At first, his face obtained the same stoic expression as he always possessed. Soon afterwards, he ruffled my hair and his mouth stretched to form a smile. He opened the door and began to walk out, towards his motorcycle.   
"You coming or not?" I smirked and caught up to him. He placed his helmet on me and raised an eyebrow. "Hold on to me, okay?" He said sternly, before revving the engine and taking off quickly. I wrapped my arms around him and held on tightly as he directed me to. I began to look around at the neighborhood, many of the houses were just like ours, large with real estate appeal and decorative lawns adorned with large metal gates that withheld it all. Grandpa would be happy to see this; he had always told me that one day we would live in a house not unlike these ones. I was living the dream for him and I know that would make him prouder than anything. Otabek stopped off at a desolate parking lot and helped me off the motorcycle.   
"Wow, what a beautiful place you have brought me to." I said sarcastically. Otabek smirked and lead me towards a door, opening it to reveal an ice skating rink; I nearly cried. Ice skating reminded me of Grandpa, he used to take me to a frozen lake during winter to practice. It didn't take long for a taller man to approach us. He had dark hair, styled in an undercut just like Otabek. He seemed to be in an awfully good mood, he pulled Otabek into an embrace and looked over at me, whistling.   
"Oh, Otabek. Who's the lucky girl?" I quickly became consumed in anger and pulled off the helmet that concealed my identity.   
"Who are you calling a girl, idiot?!" I screamed angrily and clenched my fists. He then proceeded to lean down, still towering over me and smirked.   
"Oh I'm sorry! I just assumed someone of your stature could only be a girl!" I grinded my teeth together as Otabek patted the other's shoulder. "I'm Jean, by the way. But everyone calls me JJ!"  
"This is Yuri. He's Viktor and Yuuri's son." Otabek announced quietly, before walking to the skate rentals section of the rink. I followed behind quickly, wanting to forget JJ behind me. Unfortunately, it was almost impossible to.   
"So, when did they adopt you?" He asked, rather obnoxiously. I ignored his question and continued following Otabek. "Hello, earth to Yuri! You didn't answer me!" At that point, I no longer heard his ridiculous comments. I was focused on the ice. I stretched before putting on the skates Otabek had rented for me. I entered the ice and let my body take its course. I imagined the song that Otabek had just recorded being played as I skated around. The melody fit perfectly. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and stopped in center ice. Grandpa. I could feel that he was watching over me again. I felt a breeze of cold air, it wrapped around me before leaving promptly. I opened my eyes to see Otabek, he was barely entering the ice, JJ followed behind him and they both met me where I stood.  
"Where did you learn to skate, Yuri?" Otabek asked, curiously. I smiled softly and looked up, meeting eyes with him. I opened the gates to my past, the one that I kept hidden from everyone.   
"My grandfather used to take me to a frozen lake during winter. He taught me how to balance myself and fall safely and before I knew it, I was skating." He reflexively wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. I don't know how he knew but it was almost as if he could see the tears in my eyes. He didn't say a word. And he didn't have to.


	4. Chapter 4

After skating for a while more, I started to get hungry and much to my 'dismay', JJ had left. That left me and Otabek alone and I couldn't be more excitedly terrified. I tried my best to hide my hunger but my stomach began growling as loud as a lion and my cover was blown.   
"Let's go get some dinner, yes?" I blushed and nodded, taking off my skates and going to put on my shoes. Otabek decided to be sly and bend down to tie my shoelaces for me. I was so used to being independent that it felt almost insulting when someone would do something for me. With Otabek it was different; I felt special. Otabek lead me out and we began our journey to the fanciest restaurant possible. One with gold and beige marble walls and an intricately designed interior. Just as we began to enter, the click of cameras filled the air, bright flashes of light blinded us to discontent. Papparazi pushed their way through the crowd and screamed at Otabek to follow their commands. He respectfully ignored their requests and lead me into the restaurant.   
"Is that the usual occurrence? I mean I know you're Otabek Altin but I would've thought you'd be treated with more respect seeing as how you live your life pretty privately." I asked as we were seated.  
"It's the usual occurrence, sadly. Luckily, this time they weren't too rude. I've seen and heard worse. But enough about me, tell me about yourself. I don't know you very well, though I'd like to."   
"Well, I'm 18. My birthday is March 1st and I've been a fan of yours for 3 years now. I hope that doesn't make you feel weird."   
"Should I feel weird?" He asked, chuckling. "I'm only kidding. Viktor told me that he found you particularly interesting because of your attitude towards life and love. I found you interesting because of your eyes. They're such a beautiful color." I could feel myself blushing at that last comment. I tried to hide the blush on my cheeks with my hands but I think it became too obvious.   
"So, the way I look is all that's interesting about me? Hmph." I crossed my arms and scoffed playfully.   
"Oh come on you know that's not what I meant. Everything about you is interesting." I couldn't help but smile at that, I let up and made eye contact with him from across the table.  
"I know. You could never be shallow like that." I apologized and quickly picked up the menu. I shoved my face into it and felt chills run through my entire body. Just being near him was enough to give me goosebumps, hearing his voice and meeting eyes with him sent my heart into overdrive. How could I feel so much for him when I barely knew him, outside of the magazine interviews and live performances (or lack there of). I felt the cold leather of his shoes touch my calf and I instantly dropped the menu. I met eyes with him only to see a completely stoic expression. Was he just going to pretend that nothing had happened? I instantly cleared my throat, loudly at that and huffed. He quickly shifted his attention to me, then looked down at the floor and proceeded to bend down to retrieve the menu. Meeting eyes with me, he spoke softly and eloquently.   
"I believe you dropped this." I scoffed, he was playing games with me. I decided to step it up and by stepping it up, I mean swatting him with the menu until he grabbed it from my hands. He smirked and quit the act, I crossed my arms and refused to look at him. I don't know where he got the idea, but I felt his rough fingers underneath my chin. I couldn't look anywhere but at him, my cheeks were burning bright red and he used that to his advantage.   
"W-what a-are y-you d-doing?" I asked, my speech scattered coupled with my nervous babbling. He slowly began to lean in with his eyes closed; I wasn't ready. I could feel myself ready to scream, I already was internally. I quickly turned my head and his lips pressed against my cheek. I still felt my cheeks burning, although his ultimate goal was to peck my lips.   
"Yuri, can I tell you something?" He asked in a soft voice, sounding almost ashamed. I nodded but hid my face in defeat. "This is gonna be really embarrasing but I was going to kiss you just now." My face was beet red. I didn't want to make him think that I didn't want to kiss him, because, gosh, I did. So, I improvised.  
"O-oh. I'm sorry. I-I didn't know. Really?" He seen right through my act, he nodded and stayed quiet the rest of the 'date'. I felt really bad, he knew I wasn't telling the truth and I could already tell our trust was diminishing. It was almost heartbreaking. Whenever he looked into my eyes, I could see his true emotions, though he masked them well. After dinner, he dropped me off at home, he spoke quietly and drove away quickly. I hated myself for what I had done, why didn't I just keep quiet? 

The night goes by,   
So bland and so dry,   
How was I to know,  
That you'd follow,   
Under the covers,   
Where we lay,  
When I'm with you,   
I don't have to pay,   
For my mistakes,   
Can you hear,   
I'll disappear,   
If it'd make it,  
Easier for you...

That night it was hard for me to sleep, I trudged up to my room without a single word. I threw myself on my bed and hid my face in my pillow. After a couple minutes, I sat up and began to reflect on my ideas.   
"I made him feel unwanted, didn't I? He barely said a word to me on the way home. Why do I always do this? I lose the people closest to me because I drive them away... I'm so stupid!" I cried. Soon, I heard a gentle knock on the door and Yuuri's voice echoing through the empty spaces in my bedroom. I hid myself under the blankets and shouted, "Go away!"   
"Yurio, please let me in. I heard you crying and I want to help! Please." My mind raced, I slowly walked over to the door and opened it. I walked back to the bed and laid on my side, Yuuri sat down at the edge and stayed quiet for a while. It was clear that he had never done this before and wanted to make sure that he had approached the situation correctly.   
"What seems to be the matter, is it anxiety or depression or possibly something having to do with your adopt-" I stopped him there and sat up.  
"No. None of that. Just forget about it. I'll be okay." He was determined to get an answer out of me. I decided to tell him the truth. "It's about Otabek, I really really like him but I'm driving him away. He was going to kiss me tonight, but I totally rejected him. He didn't talk to me much on the way home and I feel really guilty." Yuuri pressed his finger against his chin and closed his eyes before opening them and offering a small smile.   
"You know, I've been in your shoes before. When I first met Viktor, I avoided him at all costs in fear that I'd ruin it. I denied him a kiss too. But look where we are now! Married happily with the best son anyone could ever have!" At first, his story was annoying but then I noticed all the parallels between his story and mine. I began to think, maybe I can make it up to Otabek. I hugged Yuuri and laid back down quickly, I could feel that he was shocked but also proud.   
"Thank you Yuuri, I'm feeling a lot better now." I said quietly as I watched him.   
"Goodnight Yurio, sweet dreams." He said softly as he closed the door to my bedroom, leaving me in the dark, isolated space of my restless slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

It felt like old times again. Not the good kind. I cried, quietly, so that Yuuri wouldn't have a reason to come in again. I stared at the ceiling in an agonizing display of emotions that I previously thought I'd left behind. To make matters worse, that night was the anniversary of Grandpa's death. I had forgotten and I felt even more miserable; how was it that I could forget? He meant absolutely everything to me, and for me not to remember felt disgraceful. To escape these thoughts, I snuck downstairs and laid on the couch, I grabbed the remote control and flipped through a plethora of channels, none of which caught my attention. The static began to drill its way into my brain and after a while, it began to resemble a lullaby and I fell into a deep slumber. At around 3 in the morning, I awoke. My eyelashes fluttered open and that, was when I saw it. My whole body froze, my eyes glued to the screen. The headlines, they confirmed my deepest doubts. The photo was displayed on the screen, it became very clear to me. Otabek Altin and Jean-Jacques Leroy were an item. Dating even. I shut off the television, I could hardly keep my sanity. That was all I could think about the rest of the night. It consumed my mind. I couldn't get the image out of my mind, their lips were touching. They were kissing. The same night he was going to kiss me. I really wanted that kiss. But now it all became too clear, the way JJ was following him around at the ice rink, the reason he was grilling me with question after question. God, I was so stupid to think it was ever because of me. Because now I knew it wasn't. I had to stop thinking about this. I ran upstairs in tears and closed the door to what I thought was my room. Soon, I heard Viktor groan as he flickered the lights on. I shivered and gulped as I wiped my tears away.  
"Yurio? What's wrong?" Viktor asked in a sleepy voice. I shook my head and sniffled.  
"N-nothing. G-go back to sleep. I-I'm sorry." Yuuri sat up and pat the edge of the bed. I sat down at the edge and looked at him, my eyes burning.  
"Yurio, is it about Ota-" He began to ask as I ran out of the room. I couldn't hear his name, my heart couldn't handle it. I could hear them shouting for me, I even heard their footsteps for a while but I ran so fast that I no longer heard them, let alone seen them.

I was clueless of where to go, where to stay. What to do. All I knew was that I was alone. I thought I escaped the loneliness, but it showed its ugly head again. The only real place I knew was the orphanage, so that's where I went. I used to walk those very streets, so I was fortunate enough to know where I was going. I remember that Georgi would leave the door to his room slightly open just in case Anya 'decided to come crawling back' to him. She never did. So I used that to my advantage and crept in. Suddenly the light flickered on and a white sheet was cast over me, almost as if I was being consumed by a cloud. A familiar heartfelt voice beamed.  
"Anya! You've finally come back! Oh how I've missed you, I promise I will make everything better!" I will-" I cut him off with a smack to the face.  
"Georgi, shut up. It's just me." I said as I sat down on the bottom bunk.  
"Yuri! What're you doing back? I thought you were adopted!" I huffed and laid down, staring at the emptiness of the bed above me.  
"I was. I came back." I could tell he was getting curious so I decided to indulge him and explain the situation.  
"Oh my. Yuri, I'm so sorry." He looked down and closed his eyes and opened them with a pained expression.  
"I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. Those I love and care for the most can hurt me the most." I closed my eyes and sighed. "How's life been here? Are you holding down the fort?" I asked halfheartedly. He nodded and climbed up to his own bunk.  
"You know, they're going to be looking for you. And they won't stop unless they find you." I gulped.  
"That's not who I'm worried about finding me. Its him. I don't want to even hear his name or see him."  
"You can always go home and tell them you don't want to see him. I'm sure they could arrange something." I sighed and thought about it, contemplating that decision.  
"I couldn't stand never seeing him again..." I said under my breath. I stayed up with Georgi until the sun began to rise, it seemed to me that the only true happiness would lie beyond the skies and clouds, with Grandpa, so far up in the sky. I know he went to heaven, he was such a good man. If only I could have spent more time with him, it probably wouldn't have hurt so much to see him go. I was too little, too late. And there was nothing I could do to change that.

I awoke in the afternoon, Georgi had already left for his daily excursions of trying to meet Anya in the dining hall and proceeding to follow her everywhere she went, like a lost puppy. I stayed in the room, not wanting anyone else to know about me being there. I had nothing to do, I was becoming bored out of my mind and that, usually led down a dark path. I waited at the back door trying to get some fresh air, but a stupid motorcycle ended up driving by at full speed and kicked up a great deal of dust. I coughed and shook my fist at the rider but before I knew it my greatest fears had come true.   
"Otabek?"


	6. Chapter 6

I could hardly look at him. I fought the urge to run to him with open arms, instead I let the anger build in my gut. Looking at him, I felt betrayal. When I heard his voice, it felt like he had just punched me in the face.  
"Yuri, I'm sorry for being so distant last night. I-" I couldn't hear his explanation, I already knew what was to be said.  
"No. I get it. It became crystal clear to me last night." I turned away and headed for the door.  
"Wait, you do?" I nodded and turned back to him from behind the door.  
"Mhm. You could've just told me instead of stringing me along. You don't even know much it hurt to even think about that. The thought of it makes me sick." He had a shocked expression on his face, I had never seen that emotion on him. I never thought I would.  
"Yuri. Are you talking about~" I cut him off again.  
"Yes. I know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't underestimate me like everyone else does. I'm not stupid and I'm not blind." And with that I slammed the door and fell to my knees. I began to cry, my tears drenching the sleeves of my jacket. I could hear his knocks at the door.  
"Yuri. Please open the door. I don't think we're-" The rest of his words became inaudible as my crying became boisterous. Georgi strolled into the room with a loud slam of the door adjacent to the dining hall.  
"Yuri? Why are you crying? What's wrong? What happened while I was gone?" After his entrance, Otabek's knocks began to die down and I heard the engine of his motorcycle start. I opened the door swiftly and saw tears fall from his eyes, he sped away soon after. I couldn't fathom it. Did he feel guilty? Was he hurt? Georgi knew better than to touch me at a time like this, he knew that time alone was what I needed. So, he did just that. He left the door open and retreated. My mind was racing. I didn't know how to feel. He was with... JJ. He kissed him. But the feelings he gave me while I was watching him perform, those felt so real to me. I didn't know what to believe. Were those feelings genuine? Or was he just leading me on? I hated so much to even think that he lead me on. I was in love with him. It hurt so much.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was in every other thought in my mind. Georgi could mention piroshki and I'd start bawling, thinking about how Otabek had watched me make them. I hated how he was such a big part of my life. What usually brought me out of depression was dragging me back into it. Yuuri and Viktor came to pick me up later that day. I waved goodbye to Georgi and sat in the backseat letting my mind wander to bad places.  
"Yurio? Why did you run away? We were very worried about you." Yuuri said in the most concerned voice possible. I honestly didn't know what to tell them. That Otabek had kissed another guy and left me heartbroken. It wasn't cheating. We were never together, despite my desire. I couldn't explain that to them, it was nothing but sheer jealousy and broken dreams.  
"I know. I'm sorry." They were probably shocked that I had apologized for something, seeing as how my sour temper clouded every conversation I ever took part in.  
"Did he just-" Viktor started as I cut him off.  
"Yes. I said it. It wouldn't be so shocking..." I said quietly before getting lost in my own words. "...if I had the one thing I always wanted. Him." Yuuri turned around to look at me for a second before cocking an eyebrow.  
"Are you talking about Ota-" He began to say before Viktor parked in an unfamiliar driveway. "Viktor, why are we here? Don't you remember what happened last time?" Yuuri groaned out. I chuckled a little at Yuuri's reluctance.  
"Yuuri, please!! I've been promising Chris that we'd come visit him for months!" Yuuri crossed his arms and looked away, replying with a stern 'no.' It was amusing to me.  
"Yuuriiiiiii~" Viktor said singsongingly as he made a puppy dog face. Yuuri opened his eyes and groaned.  
"Fine. We'll go visit. But just for a few minutes!" Viktor had already swung open the door and fled to the passenger side, not wanting to give Yuuri any reason to take back his offer.  
I hopped out of the car and walked towards the door. I heard a flamboyant voice as I approached, it almost made me laugh just upon hearing it.  
"Hello there! You must be Yurio, yes? I'm Christophe Giacometti." I looked at the man in the fluffy black bathrobe and snickered a little before nodding.  
"Yeah, I'm sure Viktor has said a lot about me." The man nodded and laughed before opening the door wider for my entrance. I looked back at the two hooligans, each trying to act chivalrous as possible with one another. I entered the house and looked around, everything had a very sensual feel to it, the staircase was laced with velvet and the couch was littered with small pillows. I suddenly felt a tail wrapped around my leg, I looked down and saw the most beautiful fluffy, white cat. I leaned down to pick it up and I heard the flamboyant voice speak again.  
"Isn't she just gorgeous? I've had her for a few years. Don't worry, she doesn't bite." I had to hold back a chuckle, I loved cats and they could sense it. Holding this cat reminded me of the one that Grandpa had given me for my 10th birthday. It was just as beautiful, she was a Birman with eyes not unlike mine.  
"Hello, aren't you a pretty kitty?" Looking at her, I almost felt as if I were back home. Waking up to Potya massaging my empty stomach, hearing Grandpa call for his Yuratchka before feeding me piroshki. Those were the days when it felt as if nothing could go wrong, that nothing could hurt me. Those days came to an end and I had never felt whole again. Until the day Otabek Altin came into my life.


	7. Chapter 7

The night was quiet, the streets were usually empty as if there had been an apocalypse or the contents of the sewage lines had been spilled onto the sidewalk. It became a nightly journey for me, as a 15 year old living in an orphanage there was really no other option but to circle around in the sombre hallways of the housing unit I had been assigned to. Luckily, I had Georgi. I think I would have lost my mind being on my own. This night was different. There were people, a crowd of them surrounding a record store nearby. I thrusted my hands into my tattered jacket and walked toward the group. As I approached, I realized they all had something in common. They were all teenage girls, screaming and shouting profanities as if they had just won the jackpot off some lottery card they found on a street corner. I looked closer and that's when I saw him, Otabek Altin. At the time, I did not know who he was nor why he would cause such an uproar at this time of night. Their screaming grew louder as he exited the store, his bodyguards acting as human sheilds to block him from harm. 

I caught a glimpse of his face as he got on his jet black motorcycle. His perfectly tousled hair, his undercut and those dark brown eyes paying tribute to his golden-kissed skin. His leather jacket adorning his broad shoulders, his skin tight black leather pants hugging his thick thighs...  
"Wow, who is this sun-kissed god Yurio?" I heard the flamboyant voice ring. I jolted awake and squealed a little as I saw Chris, in the nude, sitting on his knees beside me.  
"Huh?! What are you talking about?" Chris chuckled a little and pulled on his bathrobe, crossing his legs.  
"Oh Yurio, still so young and innocent. You were just spilling about this 'golden' boy whom has caught your attention! Now, tell me. Who is he? Is he local? Or perhaps an exotic beauty?" I gulped in horror and sat up.  
"Shit... Sleep-talking again? Ugh. Please don't tell anyone about this." He nodded and leaned in a little as if I were about to expose a secret about the universe to him.  
"Yes yes, if I knew of a man like this I wouldn't want anyone else to know either! Now spill it!" I laughed a little before giving in.  
"The golden boy is Otabek Altin." I stated before getting up and walking over to the beautiful cat I previously observed.  
"Ah yes, that Altin boy. Everyone raves about him. He's gorgeous but not my type." I smirked a little before taking the cat with me to sit with Chris.  
"Oh really? What is your type?" I asked, wondering how someone wouldn't find him immediately attractive.  
"Tall, handsome, nice di-" He was about to say as Yuuri entered the room.  
"Chris! Please don't talk to Yurio about things like that, he's still young and innocent." Chris laughed a little before getting up from the couch and walking over to Yuuri, wrapping his arm around his waist.  
"Yuuri! What a pleasure to see you! And oh Yuuri, he's nearly grown! Besides, he told me about this boy!" I face palmed and quickly excused myself. I ran into Viktor while exiting the room.  
"Yurio? Where's Yuuri? Don't tell me Chris is naked again." I raised an eyebrow, wondering if there had been a previous incident before declaring there most certainly was at one point. I shook my head and laughed a little.  
"No, he at least has a robe on. I can't say that I haven't seen a lot of him though." I cringed as I thought about it.  
"Ugh, I'm sorry you had to see that. It's nothing personal, it's just the way Chris is." I nodded and began to climb up the stairs, letting my fingertips brush against velvet. 

I wanted to escape. I still talked so highly of him. It was an instinct of mine at this point. But it broke me inside to even think about him. I had drowned myself in his music for years, but it only took a day for him to break my heart. I did not know how to feel, he was an adult, allowed to do whatever he wanted. He had the right to be wild and free. And, if so he wished, to kiss others. And he did. It made me think a lot about myself, in ways I didn't wish. It made me question my morale, my looks, my attitude. Something I did must have driven him away. I had no idea what it could have been. What we could have been. The real kicker was, that I had no say in his life, no prevalence. I wished only for two things; one, to rewind and start all over again and two, to have grandpa here with me. Neither of those options were possible. 

In a moment's decision, I decided to put it behind me, pretending the life I had now in this very moment was the only one I had ever known. Leaving behind precious memories of grandpa and the man who once meant the world to me. I travelled back down the stairs and plastered a small smile on my face.  
"Oh, Yurio! We were just talking about you."  
"That's no surprise. But what about me?" I asked, steadily trying to erase the past that still lingered in the corridors of my mind.  
"About your amazing cooking! Chris has never tried a piroshki and we were wondering if you could-" I already knew what they were going to asked so to save Yuuri the breath, I answered.  
"Yes, I'll make a batch. But, I need the ingredients first." I sensed an opportunity and took it the first chance I got. "Actually, maybe I can go out to get the ingredients. We passed by a market on the way here."  
"Ooh, that's a great idea, why don't I tag along?" Chris proposed and rushed into the closet to get dressed. And without any further objections, I face palmed and groaned a little as I expected to be on my own. Once he got dressed, he lead me to the garage and opened the door to a shiny red car with enough sex appeal to drive others mad, presumably even straight men as Chris had told me. As we began to drive off, I realized that we were not coming any closer to a market, in fact, I didn't even remember this part of town. That's when Chris parked the car.  
"Chris, where are we? I'm pretty sure this isn't a market." I heard a chuckle and felt the color drain from my pale face. "Oh, no. Not here." I said as I spotted a poster of Otabek's face on the side of the building.  
"What? Don't you want to see your Golden Boy?" I cursed on the inside and grinded my teeth, but Chris ended up dragging me inside. 

The nightclub was very dimly lit, and the stage was petite. It was definitely meant to be a intimate show, I didn't expect to see him this way, not during a show and certainly not with Chris as my companion.

All of these thought began to run through my mind. Could I even handle seeing him again? What would he think of me? Why didn't I object to this in the first place? My heart began to pound as I contemplated these things. I shivered as I heard the opening notes of Accolade to the Warrior. I was shocked, he hardly ever sang that song in particular. As the song started, the curtain began to make way for him, he was dressed in his usual leather jacket and black skinny jeans. I couldn't tell if he could see me or not, but I saw a frown on his face. Not his usual 'frown' (which was actually more of a scowl) but an actual expression of discontent. I gasped as Chris pushed me closer to the stage, forcing me to make eye contact with Otabek as he sang. The music continued to play but he had stopped singing, his eyes staring directly into mine. Anxiety ensued.


	8. Chapter 8

His eyes pierced right through me, as if he was reading my feelings purely based on my body language. A deep voice boomed from backstage, it must've been his manager. His eyes began to gloss over with what looked like tears, I could no longer look at him, it was too painful and aggravating. I grabbed Chris by the arm and tugged him away from the crowd. Otabek must have been watching because he called out my name. I didn't turn back. Once we got to the car, Chris got curious and started interrogating me.   
"He called you, why did you leave? He noticed you! He knows you exist! Why don't we go back inside?" After a while, his voice became unbearable and annoying. I felt the lump in my throat begin to suffocate me.  
"We can't go back... I never want to see him again... Ever. Take me home." I said as I forcefully held my tears back. Crying in front of others made me feel weak. It made me feel powerless, a feeling I hated with all of me.

On the ride home, I said nothing. Chris didn't talk, we barely even looked at eachother. I kept my head down, my eyes directed at my shoes. It had been so long since I felt this empty. Yes, watching Otabek and JJ kiss broke me, but it wasn't as bad as it was at this point. I felt an emptiness deep down in my soul, I felt numb. I could feel myself reverting back to how I was years go. When I couldn't feel the loneliness, the sadness, the weakness. Soon, the car stopped, I could hear Chris attempt to open his mouth to speak. He must've decided against it and simply got out of the car and softly closed the door. Once I was alone, I stared aimlessly out the window and let the tears roll down my cheeks. I didn't make any noise, I stopped fighting. I sat back and let the numbness overtake me. Chris must have told Yuuri because he came out and opened the driver's side door, sitting next to me.   
"Yurio... I need you to tell me what's bothering you so much... I know you already told me not to worry but I can't help it. I need to know. Please..." My voice broke, I tried talking and couldn't get a word out. Yuuri threw his arms around me, I let him. After a few minutes, I swallowed down the lump and sniffled.  
"Its about Otabek. I seen on those stupid tabloids the picture of him and Leroy kissing... I had feelings for him and seeing that hurt like hell. Chris took me to see Otabek in concert tonight. I couldn't handle seeing him."   
"I'm really sorry... But, Yurio. There's more to life then romance, there's so much to be happy about that doesn't involve relationships." Yuuri said softly as he rubbed my back. I knew he was right. But, at that moment all I wanted was to go home and be alone there. I told Yuuri to drop me off so I could have some time to myself, he agreed and so I remained in my room the rest of the night. 

At around 11 pm, I heard the sound of a motorcycle approaching. It reminded me of him. I tried to keep my mind off Otabek, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. The memories were ingrained. 

I remember hearing his voice, he called to me. I didn't answer, I pretended I wasn't home. That determined bastard. He wouldn't give up. Soon, it became tiring hearing his voice and I decided I should turn him away. I went downstairs and opened the door, I started shouting profanities. He didn't listen, he didn't care. He placed his hand on the door so I wouldn't be able to close it. I looked him right in the eyes and warned hin to leave me alone. He ignored it. 

I don't know how, but I ended up laying down on my bed, his body above mine. His eyes shining lustfully as he stared deep within my soul...


End file.
